Psychologist – Wonder Woman Mag

Hannah D Blum: I Turn The Traumatic Experiences In My Life Into A Story!

Wonder Woman — Fri, 20 Jan 2023 18:53:48 +0000

Hannah is the author of the book, The Truth About Broken: The Unfixed Version of Self-Love.

Creating art through her words and content in hopes to empower and inspire. In 2016, Hannah came forward with her diagnosis of bipolar disorder and published her blog: halfway2hannah.com covering a range of mental health topics.

In her first book, The Truth About Broken: The Unfixed Version of Self-Love, Hannah Blum redefines what it means to love yourself and takes readers on an unforgettable journey towards embracing what makes them different. It’s self-love from the perspective of someone living with a mental illness in a society that has labeled her and others as broken. A collection of captivating true stories that will never leave you after reading. Hannah features her quotes and poetry that have gained global attention across social media and online platforms in the book. This is not your typical self-love book. If you are struggling with loving yourself, regardless if you have a mental illness, this book is for you.

1) When did you first realize you wanted to be a writer?

The dream to be a writer has always been there, as far back as I can remember. As a child and teen, my mind was always racing with stories, and I’d imagine them coming to life at some point on paper. I think when I first really thought of it as a potential career was when I went back to College.

2) What writers did you enjoy reading as a child?

I was diagnosed with a learning disability early on, and reading was a challenge throughout my childhood. It was not until middle school that I could fully retain what was written on pages. I didn’t get to experience the beauty of books until I was much older.

3) What inspired you to start writing?

I’ve always loved storytelling; to me, words can unlock the most vulnerable parts of people.

4) Have you always wanted to be a writer?

Yes, I have always wanted to be a writer, but I did not think it was possible when I was younger. There is this pretentious academic vibe that unfortunately accompanies the literature world. It felt to me that to be a writer, you needed to be academically gifted in literature through schooling.

5) What do you like to do when you’re not writing?

I am always writing because I love it so much, but a lot of what I write requires me to explore different places and people. I spend much time going to local coffee shops and places around town. I love going to museums and traveling. Also, I collect vintage love letters and love using my camera to create.

6) Have you ever gotten writer’s block?

Yes, I have, and it is beyond frustrating. The word I would use to describe writer’s block is emptiness.

7) Do you hear from your readers much? What kinds of things do they say?

Yes, I am so fortunate to hear from readers often via social media and email. They usually voice parts of their own story relating to my writing, which I love most. My community, readers, and supporters are why I can do what I do.

8) Do you show your work in progress to anyone?

Very rarely. I am writing my second book, and no one outside of my editor has seen it. I used to rely on other people’s approval because of my deep insecurities, but I decided to seek validation no longer because it was affecting my work. I see why writers and artists must be careful about wanting others to validate their work. It shapes how you write, and you become dependent on others’ opinions of your creations.

9) How did you manage to fit writing in with other demands on your time? Are you good at managing your time?

Every writer is different in how they work. I know many have specific times when they work on writing and are more routine. For me, it comes in and out throughout the day. I keep a notepad on me.

10) You are the author of “The Truth About Broken: The Unfixed Version of Self-Love.” How did you come up with the title to your book?

The word broken is always something I felt defined me growing up, especially after being diagnosed with bipolar. I wanted to take that word and give it meaning, redefine it as a positive characteristic versus a negative one. I wanted to talk about self-love in a different light, not fixing yourself but falling in love with the parts of yourself you’ve been trying to fix. One day I was walking around a lake close to home, and it popped into my head.

11) What is the most surprising thing you discovered while writing your book?

I think there was much reliving the past and going on that journey again. I was not surprised by anything, but my dedication and commitment to the book surprised me in a good way. I saw that this was something I wanted to dedicate my life too.

12) Your quotes and poetry have gained global attention across social media and online platforms. What is the secret of this?

It’s hard work and determination. It’s writing from your heart, being unafraid to be bold. You don’t have to have a following to consider yourself a writer. Some of the best writers do not engage in social media, which is essential to remember.

13) You are also a mental illness activist, can you tell us more about it?

Activism is the foundation of my art, and my community of people with mental illness are my muses. When I was in the mental hospital at 20 years old, I saw how patients were treated, and when I left, I knew I had to speak up. So many writers struggle with mental illness, and I want there to be words spoken directly to those living with conditions. In my next book, I directly confront stigma very boldly. I want the world to see a different side of mental illness, our voices are suppressed, and if I can turn the volume up through writing and speaking up, I’ll spend my life doing that. It’s about empowering those living with mental illness and fighting for justice.

14) Is writing your full-time career? Or would you like it to be?

For the most part, writing is my full-time career; however, it takes a very long time for it to provide a stable income. I also work for a creative agency, Snow Media, alongside my best friend, a profound artist. I work there as a creative director and can create for others outside of myself. It is rooted in creativity and producing inspirational media content.

15) How do you deal with the emotional impact of a book (on yourself) as you are writing the story?

I turn the traumatic experiences in my life into a story, and writing is how I understand those parts of my life. Writing is healing for me, and knowing that the stories are written with purpose eases any pain I feel about it.

16) Where do you get your inspiration?

When people ask me how do you write, my response is–I listen. I find inspiration by exploring unfamiliar people and places. I am an observer, and when I am with people, I connect and engage with them. Also, reading fictional novels has always inspired my imagination.

17) Are you working on anything at the present you would like to share with ou readers?

Yes! In 2023, after years of writing it, I am finally releasing my second book, “Oh Mind, Where Have You Gone Today?” It is a collection of poetry, essays, and stories.

18) How many plot ideas are just waiting to be written? Can you tell us about one?

My new book, Oh Mind Where Have You Gone Today, is coming out in 2023. It started when I began isolating myself, and it is a book that is not limited in topics. Essays and poetry that explore going both inward and outward. After that, I will begin writing fiction books and release my children’s book!

19) Share something your readers wouldn’t know about you.

Most people don’t know I have no academic literature background—my past regarding becoming a writer. I did not graduate college with any degree in English or literature. When I was a senior in high school, I voiced privately that I wanted to become a professional writer, and she was enraged by it. She told me writing was for academic intellectuals, not mediocre literature students. I learned how to write by reading books. I did it on my own because the condescending nature of the literary environment is very threatened by people who do not have some profound academic career.

20) Can you give any advice to someone wanting to write and publish poetry?

It begins with listening to yourself and to other people’s stories, including pain. I have sat in support groups where I am not a participant but a listener. For example, I do not struggle with addiction, but I have gone to AA meetings where I was allowed to join to give support to others. I talk to random people in random places. Unlocking empathy and curiosity is key to writing. Also, just write. Pour onto paper, and let go of what defines a “good writer.” Do not create art seeking the approval of others.

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The 7 Best Motivational Books of 2022, According to Mental Health Experts

Wonder Woman — Wed, 16 Mar 2022 00:13:07 +0000

It is not uncommon for someone to feel a lack of motivation from time to time. Most of us will feel this way at some point in our lives. “A lack of motivation is often an indication that you need to rest, recharge, and re-evaluate how you’re expanding your energy,” says Aisha R. Shabazz, therapist and licensed clinical social worker who specializes in the treatment of anxiety disorders. “Our global society is very goal-oriented, so I think many people struggle with motivation because they’re exhausted from constantly striving toward doing everything, all the time, at 110%.”

If you feel a lack of motivation, the good news is that there are a number of tricks you can try to get yourself back on track. One of them is to read a motivational self-help book. “Motivational self-help books can be useful to some people because they can serve as a jump start to someone who needs inspiration to keep going,” says Shabazz. The key is finding the right book.

To help you sort through all the options, here are the best motivational books recommended by mental health experts.

Our Top Picks

Best for Changing Habits:

Atomic Habits at Amazon

Best Anecdotal:

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People at Amazon

Best for Goal Setting:

The One Thing at Amazon

Best for Setting a Routine:

The Power of Habit at Amazon

Best for Overcoming Fear:

You Are a Badass at Amazon

Best for People with Anxiety:

Own Your Anxiety at Amazon

Best for Different Work Styles:

Work Simply at Amazon

Pros

Written by an expert
Outlines actionable, small steps towards lasting change
Easy to read
Non-judgmental

Cons

Theory-heavy
A longer read

Written by one of the world’s leading experts on habit formation, this book distills the latest research on the psychology and science behind forming healthy, sustainable habits. Then, the author gives actionable advice for making small changes in your life, so you can achieve your goals.

His message is simple: start with small, manageable changes in order to build towards lasting change.

What Experts Say

“I would recommend a motivational self-help book to someone who is trying to start a new hobby—a book like ‘Atomic Habits’ by James Clear. It offers a nice boost to keep their motivation going because he breaks down his process of forming good habits and speaks to why habits are formed (or not formed) and how to create new habits and resist old ones.” — Aisha R. Shabazz, Therapist and Licensed Clinical Social Worker who specializes in the treatment of anxiety disorders

Pros

Great for readers who feel stuck in old habits
40 million copies sold

Cons

Some find the writing preachy and dogmatic
Advice is not applicable to all readers

Despite being written over 30 years ago, this book has held up over time and is now known as a classic in the self-help space. It is written to be inspirational and motivating, and it uses real-world examples and anecdotes to distill seven basic tips that you can use in your life to achieve success.

It’s easy to read and, more importantly, easy to learn from.

Pros

Dedicated to goal setting
Teaches readers how to focus
Uses clear analogies

Cons

Specific topic
Somewhat repetitive
A longer read

If you struggle to find motivation because you’re never sure where to start, this is the book for you. It focuses on one subject—goal setting—but it does so in a way that helps you prioritize your ambitions.

After reading it, you’ll know how to set priorities, get started on tasks, and keep your motivation going until you achieve the outcome you desire.

Pros

Explains the science of how habits work
Gives actionable advice for changing routines
Written by an award-winning business reporter

Cons

Author is not a psychologist

If you’ve ever tried to create a new routine for yourself, you’re well aware of how difficult that can actually be. New routines are hard to stick to, and before long, we’re slipping back into our old habits.

This book breaks down the latest scientific research on how habits work and what we can do to change them. That way, we can create new routines for our lives and our business.

Pros

Easy to read
Engaging exercises
Accessible voice

Cons

Could be more empathetic

Don’t let fear get the best of you with this book by Jen Sincero. The book is easy to read and will remind you to show yourself more self-love and care, so you can find the motivation to go after your goals.

Best of all, this book contains some engaging, motivating end-of-chapter exercises that you’ll come back to time and time again.

Pros

Based on medical research and personal experience
Easy to read

Cons

Some advice feels general

The author uses his personal experiences and medical research to provide readers with actionable tools to help cope with their anxiety. His goal is to help readers harness their anxiety and use it to motivate themselves to live a healthier, happier life.

The chapters are short and easy to read. The tone is compassionate.

What Experts Say

“Reading motivational books when you have anxiety can be helpful because you can learn about someone who has been through a similar situation to yours. Maybe they went through something really difficult in life, like a divorce, and they had to find the light in the middle of the darkness. Reading a book about someone who is going through something very challenging can offer help and inspiration and even make you feel grateful for the good things in your life. Motivational books are helpful when you feel hopeless.” — Katie Ziskind, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

Pros

Targeted tips aimed at different productivity styles
Easy to read
Encouraging voice

Cons

Promotes signing up for a class
A longer read

When it comes to getting motivated, no two people are exactly alike. That’s because, as this author explains, people have different productivity styles—they’re either arrangers, visualizers, planners, or prioritizers. So if you want to get productive and develop better time management, the first step is to figure out what style you are—and this book can help you do that.

What Experts Say

“Motivation and lack thereof looks considerably different for different people—like for those who are neurotypical, neurodivergent, experiencing depression, challenged by focus, attention, and hyperactivity, or experiencing grief and loss. We have to look at the cultural implications of how we are defining motivation and who is defined as motivated and unmotivated.” — Aisha R. Shabazz, Therapist and Licensed Clinical Social Worker who specializes in the treatment of anxiety disorders.

Ultimately, the best motivational book is one that speaks to you, your personality, and the issues that are causing you to feel unmotivated. That’s why “Work Simply” by Carson Tate (view at Amazon) is a great book for most readers: it starts by acknowledging that people have different productivity styles, before offering targeted tips for getting productive.

Meanwhile, “Atomic Habits” by James Clear (view at Amazon) will help you better understand the science behind good habits so you can take small—but meaningful—steps towards positive change.

What to Look for in a Motivational Book

Voice

Do you like the way the author writes? Skim a few pages and try to gauge whether their writing style feels relatable and engaging to you. See if they sound empathetic to the struggles you’re experiencing. If you don’t like the writing style, you won’t want to read the book and might give up on it halfway through.

Author Credentials

Ideally, the author should have some expertise on the topic they’re writing about. This expertise can be academic or personal, but you’ll generally want a book written by someone who has the credentials to write about the psychology of motivation.

“Look for an author that makes you feel empowered,” says Schroeder. “Do a little research. There are self-help books on almost any topic, and finding an author that resonates with you is key.”

Some authors will offer free content on their website or will have done web or podcast interviews. “Look for those interviews, because it can give you a feel for who they are,” says Shabazz.

Actionable Advice

Some books will include exercises to help you learn how to implement their motivational tips. This can help guide you to change your habits and outlook.

“You want to make sure you are being encouraged to take small attainable steps,” says Schroeder. “If your goal is to run a marathon and you currently don’t run, you won’t read this book and suddenly be able to run a marathon. Aim for a book that gives you a goal-setting process.”

Source: Verywell Mind

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Stress: The Silent Killer Of Your Health And Wellbeing

Wonder Woman — Thu, 03 Feb 2022 20:34:13 +0000

Stress has become a term people accept as a way of life and something to “cope with” , however the detrimental impact it is having on people emotionally, psychologically and physiologically can no longer be ignored. The impact of stress can be fatal and MUST be identified and manged to mitigate this risk. People need to stop accepting chronic fatigue, adrenal fatigue, exhaustion and burn out as a way of life.

Your health is attributed to more than just your shape or size. The media and common “Health myths” lead us to believe if you are lean a healthy weight you avoid health complications that we associate with being over weight or obese. This is not accurate and needs to be more widely explored.

Stress is anything that adds pressure in any way shape or form that results in a series of responses from the body.

Stress can lead to chronic fatigue, anxiety, high cholesterol, clogged arteries, heart disease and organ failure as well as any number of nervous system or mental health conditions and these need to be acknowledged as serious risks.

People have a responsibility to be aware of their body and how certain lifestyle choices, situations, environments, food/ alcohol and drugs/ medication impact their body.

There is an undeniable interconnection between the mind and the body and this is why terms like “holistic health” need to be normalised as knowledgeable, integrated processes to address all factors that impact someone’s overall wellbeing.

Employers and fitness professionals have an obligation to be transparent to their staff, members and clients about stress and the importance of managing it effectively.

Common sources of stress include:

Psychological – confusion, disorientation, negative self talk, bullying, victimisation, gaslighting, coersion, social pressure to confirm.
Emotional – Relationships, self esteem issues, grief, anger, abuse, frustration, unregulated hormonal imbalances.
Financial – Any financial strain is a compounding stressor. This includes job insecurities, unemployment, lockdowns, bills, unforeseen expenses.
Social – Especially the anxiety around disconnectivity during isolation and quarantine lockdowns and pressure to conform against personal beliefs or value systems.
Physical – This is not just a pain point (such as a medical condition) exercise is a form of stress. If it is designed well, an exercise program can assist with stress management by enducing the production and release of positive hormones called “endorphins. ” However if a training program is too intense, too time demanding and too exhausting it can lead to fatigue and unmanageable stress. THIS IS A SERIOUS RISK FOR MOST BODY SCULPTING CLIENTS
Nutrition /food issues. An expensive meal plan or unaffordable groceries and a fear of food scarcity has a devastating impact on the brain sending people into a fight or flight state which can cause significant harm.
Deadlines, travel, accidents, injuries, life is riddled with landmines of stress, but this doesn’t mean that we are hopeless to adapt and manage these stressor in an effective and informed way.

DON’T PANIC. Not all stress is bad. Small amounts of stress trigger responses and reactions as the brains way of protecting itself and the body from harm. However, stress can be life threatening and its not always as instantaneous as a heart attack.

Susan Bernstein reports in her article dated 16 June 2021 :”Constant stress is another story. If it’s nonstop and lasts for a long time, your stress hormones remain at high levels and put a dangerous strain on your heart and other parts of your body. High levels of cortisol from chronic or long-term stress can cause high blood cholesterol, along with other heart disease risks.” (reference #2)

In order to mitigate stress we need to understand what happens physiologically when we experience stress.

Typically, when stress occurs, 2 primary stress hormones are produced and released into the body. One is cortisol and the other is adrenaline. They both work together with polar opposite intentions. Cortisol attaches to the hippocampus in the brain to block the receptors. This inhibits rational thought. Adrenaline is then sent to the amygdala as a stimulant to emphasise the panic response, inducing heightened emotional reactions. Cortisol, over time can be toxic and damage the way the brain functions and develops both short term and permanently. (*Siegal 2014- see footnote *3)

We know stress is bad for us, but perhaps we have convinced ourselves it doesn’t matter and we can rely on pain killers or antidepressants to mitigate this damage.

There are herbal solutions that regulate stress and stop /significantly reduce the production and secretion of stress hormones in the body. These are called adaptogens.

Evan Starkman surmised that there are over 70 plants classified as adaptogens: “The theory behind adaptogens says they help your body adjust to physical, chemical, or biological stress. They’re thought to stimulate your body’s stress-protection response and help its systems return to a balanced state called “homeostasis.” *4

THE XLPT DIY DESIGNER BODY PROGRAM has incorporated a series of adaptogen compounds, a PH balancer to reduce the body’s acidity and other nutrient rich products to design a holistic health program that can fit into day to day life for anyone. The results have been incredible across the board for men and women of all ethnicities, ages, weight ranges, lifestyles and careers. With the next 30 day challenge kicking off on 1st February, there will be medical based data substantiating the impact this program has on clients over a 30 day period.

Information can be found here: https://fb.me/e/2LhVj8M4C

The aim of this study is to have medical practitioners acknowledge the importance of holistic health and the need for more natural, therapeutic solutions to to stress, mental health issues and associated conditions that should not be blanket medicated with antidepressants if there are less harmful alternatives.

Ideally health will stop being something most people feel unable to afford and advocates will canvas the need for governments to subsidise holistic health solutions for the betterment of society and those who are too burnt out to fight for a better way of life.

Your health is an asset that needs to be valued and invested in. Being empowered with the knowledge that everyone is entitled to feel well and live pain free will speak volumes for self worth and refusing to be medicated as a solution to a chronically stressful lifestyle.

Article By: Taz Dunstans

Resources:

1. https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/stress-symptoms/art-20050987#:~:text=Stress%20that’s%20left%20unchecked%20can,heart%20disease%2C%20obesity%20and%20diabetes.

2. https://www.webmd.com/cholesterol-management/stress-cholesterol-link#:~:text=High%20levels%20of%20cortisol%20from,to%20become%20clogged%20and%20hard.

3. Author:Dan siegel MD, published 2014 “Brainstorm”

https://books.google.co.nz/books/about/Brainstorm.html?id=SOi4yca7FSsC&source=kp_book_description&redir_esc=y

4.https://www.webmd.com/balance/adaptogens-what-to-know#:~:text=Adaptogens%20are%20certain%20herb%20or%20mushrooms%20thought%20to%20have%20health%20benefits.&text=The%20theory%20behind%20adaptogens%20says,balanced%20state%20called%20%22homeostasis.%22

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Ways to Find More Joy in Your Everyday Routine

Wonder Woman — Wed, 03 Nov 2021 19:40:33 +0000

It is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy, that makes happiness.

“You can absolutely improve your happiness level—as long as you’re willing to put the effort into it,” she says. “If you constantly remind yourself to do little things, like look at the bright side of life, eventually those habits will become engrained.”

Even better: By adding more joy to your daily routine, you may also enhance your overall well-being. “Happiness has two components,” Lyubomirsky says. “The first is life satisfaction, which is that sense that your life is going well. The second is the experience of frequent positive emotions, which include pride, curiosity, enthusiasm, tranquility, and joy.”

Sonja Lyubomirsky, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of California, Riverside.

Here are some ways that can help you find more joy in your everyday routine:

Change the way you look at negativity

“I find joy each day in perspective. When something goes ‘wrong,’ I remember that if a door closes, it simply wasn’t my door to walk through. When I get rejected, I see it as redirection. Instead of trying to prove myself, I try to improve myself. If I fail at something, I take note of what I learned. The story in our head is everything. We become what we believe. And I believe that joy can be found in silver linings. Once we know where to look, we’ll serendipitously see more joy than ever before.”

—Siobhan Kukolic, author, inspirational speaker, and life coach, Toronto, ON, Canada

Workout more, it can strengthens your physical and mental well-being

“My pilates practice is my joy time each day. It gives me a chance to truly unplug for an hour, and focus on my mind-body connection. The studio I practice at has a wonderful sense of community. Having people who are supportive of me and whom I can provide support and encouragement to deepens that sense of joy!”

—Cindy J., nonprofit executive search and HR consultant, Boston, MA

Try something new

“There’s a true power in novelty — in doing, trying, or experiencing something new. Our brains are automatically excited by the thrill, the exhilaration, the slightly scary — but in the best possible way — the curiosity, and the delicious passion that comes from trying, doing, experiencing, and tasting something new, or even the same old thing in a different way. All it takes is one tweak, step, or shift. That’s all we need to reignite and excite our brains, and to find and spread joy, every single day.”

—Rachel Ellner Lebensohn, creator and founder, Delray Beach, FL

Taking Plenty of Time for Reflection

It’s the thing we never have time for, isn’t it? Maybe just a six-minute lie down at the end of a yoga class or the few minutes before you fall asleep at the end of the day? We are a nation of do-ers not reflectors, and when we do it, we usually do it accidentally!

For many people, their accidental reflection time comes when they are moving – commuting on the bus, driving the kids to school, walking to the shops. Without this accidental reflection time, we might start to feel pent up, full of thought.

This is the perfect time to practise some intentional reflection. There is a simple joy to be found in slowing your mind, recording your thoughts, taking some deep breaths, meditating, praying – they are all variations on the same theme: take joy in simply being. Build this time into your daily routine to care for your mind.

Spread kindness today!

Acts of kindness don’t have to cost a penny. In this blog, Haala shares some ideas on how you can spread kindness.

Kindness is – and always will be – one of the most beautiful and powerful forces for good that exists in the entire world. Why? Because kindness is love!

Love is the invisible thread that appears through acts of kindness. It exists as heartfelt words of encouragement, thoughtful gestures, and compassionate acts of generosity many of us witness, perform and receive as we move through life. In a world filled with struggle and pain, kindness is like a deep cleansing breath that rejuvenates us with its purity, refreshes us with its goodness and gives us the strength to persevere despite our troubles.

The COVID-19 pandemic is causing fear and panic but it is also inspiring beautiful acts of kindness around the world. During this crisis people have delivered free groceries, paused rent for tenants and called to check in on seniors.

Though kindness is free, the world is still in dire need of it. Choose to be good to people without expecting anything in return. If you don’t know where to start, here are some random acts kindness you could try:

If you know anyone who is unwell, take five minutes to send a get well soon card. It will lift their spirits.
Cook an extra portion of dinner for someone who needs it.
Say thank you to someone who made a difference to you.
Sometimes we shy away from people when we know they are having a rough time. We assume we should wait for them to approach us, so we are not intruding. Instead, ask them how they are doing. Many people will be relieved to have someone to talk to. If you don’t ask they might never mention anything to you.
Do something special that you know a loved one will appreciate. You could surprise those who care for you by baking a cake or helping them with household chores.
Donate things you no longer need instead of saving them in case you need them in the future. There are people who may need it now.
Don’t ignore the next homeless person you see. Ask if you can buy them food or a drink.
Call a friend, family member, or neighbour who may be lonely.
If you can, donate a small sum of money to a charity you love.

This start of your University year, let those around you know how much you care! Seek out an opportunity to help every day. Every small interaction with someone is an opportunity to have a positive impact on their life and yours. When you look, you’ll find opportunities to perform random acts of kindness. When you take those opportunities to perform acts of kindness, you’ll feel great.

Written by Haala H.

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Mari Elena: Self-Love as a Foundation for a Joy-Filled Life

Wonder Woman — Sat, 23 Oct 2021 16:17:21 +0000

Mari Elena is a certified love and relationship coach. She was trained and mentored by Katherine Woodward Thomas, best-selling author of “Calling In ‘The One’: 7 Weeks to Attract the Love of Your Life.” Mari Elena holds additional certification in transformational techniques. She lives in New York City and works with clients across the globe.

I’ve learned, through my own life experiences and through those of my clients, that self-love is absolutely vital for a joy-filled life. It’s why, in the work that I do, I coach my clients to cultivate a deep sense of love for themselves as a starting point for building the life of their dreams.

I want to share with you, dear readers, the what, why, and how of self-love: What is self-love?

There are some misconceptions about self-love, a common one being that self-love is no different than self-care. While self-care can be a form of self-love, self-love goes even deeper: self-love is rooted in belief of one’s innate worthiness, and it’s carried out through consistent acts of kindness, compassion, and patience towards oneself.

Here are some foundational elements that to me best describe what self-love is:

Knowing in your bones that you are worthy of all that you desire, just as you are. ● Accepting all of you, wholeheartedly.
Being your own best friend, and having your own back, always.
Creating a sense of home, and safety, on the inside.

Why is self-love so important?

The way to attract and sustain your heart’s desires is to truly love yourself first.

When you love yourself, you know — the “feel it in your bones” kind of knowing — that you deserve good things. And when you know that you deserve good things, then you begin to attract them into your life: like nourishing friendships, happy and healthy romantic love, fulfilling work. This is possible because your heart is open and receptive. So when you attract the things that you desire, you accept them with ease.

It’s when you doubt your worth that your guard goes up, you self-sabotage, and you push away the things that you desire.

How do you more deeply love yourself?

Here are some practical ways to cultivate a self-love practice:

Take an inventory. To chart your way forward in any area of your life, you need to know your starting point. Some questions you can ask yourself are: “How do I speak to myself? What kinds of words do I use? How aware am I of my feelings and my needs, and do I tend to them?” Become attuned to the relationship you have with yourself.

Begin making new choices. If you discover that you speak to yourself critically, the next time that you experience disappointment, choose an encouraging word to tell yourself instead. Or, if you discover a tendency to neglect your needs, get into the practice of checking in with yourself, and paying attention to and tending to your needs. Know that this takes time and practice. Self-love is a journey.

Speak your self-love language. This is a particularly fun one: reflect on what makes you feel loved, and then do those things for yourself. Do you enjoy time with friends and loved ones? Then what are some ways that you can spend quality time with yourself? If it’s acts of service that make you feel special, what is one thing you can do for yourself today?

My invitation to you, dear reader, is this: Start with the intention of embracing yourself, of seeing the beauty and uniqueness that is you, of loving yourself exactly as you are.

And I encourage you to start today, instead of waiting till tomorrow, or when you get the new job, or after you’ve turned the corner on something. Start today, because you are wholly, and completely, worthy of love. Right now. Just as you are.

The more love you give to yourself, the more you will realize just how much you deserve it.

Soak up some more inspiration from Mari Elena on Instagram @marielenacoaching. You can also find her at marielenacoaching.com

The post Mari Elena: Self-Love as a Foundation for a Joy-Filled Life appeared first on Wonder Woman Mag.

Brooke O’Connor: Why Wearing the “Busy Button” Doesn’t Work, and How to Fix It

Wonder Woman — Sat, 07 Aug 2021 17:43:48 +0000

How many directions are you being pulled in?

If I asked you, “Hey, how are you? Haven’t seen you in ages!” Your answer would probably be:

“Oh you know, busy busy!”

“So many things going on right now…”

“Well it’s soccer season, sooooo!”

Meanwhile, we compare our lives to the neighbor, the class mom, the lady in the cubicle across the way. How do ‘they’ get a 5 mile run in before work, have straight A students, run the HOA and keep a perfectly organized home while making cookies for the Brownie troupe and looking flawless on instagram?

If we could just fit more into a day, find the right supplement to give us more energy, use the right house cleaning method or make the kids listen better, it would all be ok.

So you do all the things, buy all the things, take all stuff. Work harder, push more, sleep less. Drink more coffee, take breaks by scrolling insta (which then makes you feel more behind, less capable, less efficient), at the end of an exhausting day open that bottle of wine / binge worthy netflix series / box of cookies to feel better. You’ve bought into the lie, and you are wearing the very expensive “Busy Button”.

My friend, it’s all smoke and mirrors. Worse, I hate to tell you social media, television and that bottle of wine are not helping you. Let me explain.

How did this happen?

Have you ever thought of a woman’s life now versus 100 years ago, and asked why we are so stressed? Women used to have to cook nearly all day long. By the time breakfast was over, it was time to make lunch and think about dinner. On average the family size was larger, so there were more mouths to feed. When they weren’t cooking, they were cleaning up after cooking, or washing clothes or finding a way to make the resources for the family last. Freezers were not in the home, and refrigeration was still not in every house. This means shopping daily also. Each sock was scrubbed by hand. Cars, if you had one, were used by the man. It was hard work and long days. Yet now, we have all the appliances, our own car, and all the convenience food we could want and we are still stressed? Why are we so busy?

Our expectations of ourselves have changed. I’m sure you expect running water, and working toilets in your house, something not everyone had 100 yrs ago. We also expect a level of ease in our lives, which appliances give, yet instead of transferring that extra time into ease and happiness, we create ever higher expectations.

In the 60’s, while the women’s liberation movement was starting to take hold and give women the opportunities we have today, it caused a problem for the women’s magazine market. Sales were going down as women were looking outside the home and traditional roles, and the magazines had to do something. The very effective answer they discovered was to start creating unrealistic expectations for women in the form of articles and quizzes to create problems no one ever thought about. Fashion models became something most women could never emulate. Then they could sell the products to achieve this unrealistic ideal. One of the most famous fashion models from the 60’s is Twiggy. She was the beginning of a craze for smaller and smaller models to be considered the ideal female body. Fashion was geared to young, curveless bodies, and more and more products to support the new ideal of women to be something other than they had always been.

Things have evolved. Fast forward now, we still have the waist trainers, contoured makeup, shapewear, instagram filters and photoshop. Meanwhile, you are expected to have an education, a career, a healthy relationship and thriving children living, in a Pinterest worthy house, while documenting it all on Instagram, and running your side hustle on Etsy. We traded one form of control for another. Now these expectations are running our lives. Because these are unrealistic expectations on anyone, we turn to things like wine, checking out by binging TV, or scroll for hours on social media just to take a break. Unfortunately none of those things add something positive or productive to our lives when done on a regular basis. The price we’re paying now is our health, mental and physical.

How to burn the “Busy Button” and take control of your life

Everyone has the same 24 hours a day. How we use those hours is completely up to you. Unfortunately, because we were never taught how to prioritize and make sound decisions around one of our most precious assets (time), we are wasting it, giving it away, and wishing we had more. So what can we do to pull our time back? Here’s the step by step.

First and most important is to sit down to do the next steps. Make the time. It’s a priority. If you had dollar bills falling out of a hole in your purse, blowing in the wind as you walked down the street, you would stop to fix it. You are leaking time everywhere you go. Let’s fix that too.

1. What is really most important to you?

Be honest. Is it making money? Career? Getting healthy? Raising good kids? Your marriage? Write it all down. Brain-dump it all on a piece of paper. Then number it in order of importance. Now look at the list. Take a deep breath, and ask yourself:

“Is this my priority list or someone else’s?”

If it’s yours, great! If it’s not, renumber, and renumber and renumber until it feels good.

It’s ok, no one is going to see this but you. Be honest. Is making more money more important than the kids right now? Maybe it is. Should getting some weight off, and being healthier so you can do all the other things, really the priority? Whatever your answers, be true to yourself, and know this is the beginning of being in control of your own life. No one cares about your life as much as you do. Time to act like it.

2. Start planning a new week.

Whatever the day of the week it is, start planning the next week, starting on Monday.

First put in the non-negotiables. So if you work 9-5, block that out, including plenty of travel time. Have one off things like a Dr’s appointment? Put it in. Now block out sleeping time. The highest productivity people get at least 7-8 hours sleep. Block it out, and some winding down time. For me, I can’t sleep for at least a half hour after laying down, so that is included in my sleeping time.

Now here’s the hard part. 10% of your day needs to be for you. That’s 2.4 hours. Why 10%? It’s part of a tithing principle that many successful people use to improve their lives in various arenas. I round that up to 2.5 hours because I like the idea of abundance in everything.

2.5 hours may look like meditation, taking a walk alone, doing some skin care, taking a bath with yummy oils, a massage once in a while, lunch with a friend or a quiet coffee by yourself on the porch. It doesn’t have to be all at one time, in fact, if it’s spread out through the day, it’s better. It must be every day. Weekly and monthly breaks need to happen too, but that’s the expert level once you’ve mastered the daily challenge.

Block out that time. It won’t happen if it’s not on the schedule. Then celebrate yourself every time you do it.

Next, what’s priority number 1? If it hasn’t already been scheduled, don’t be surprised. Most people don’t have a balanced life. Work / life balance is a myth.

Say it outloud. Let it sink in.

It’s a lie to keep you in the Busy Button Club. Plug in the next priorities, and see what time you have left. Make sure you allow for travel times and preparation times. I need 10 min to get myself in the car, 20 min if it involves other people. When we pad our time with preparation and travel time, we feel less stressed, and we have that extra few minutes to stop and get a drink, or gas, or take away.

If you got through your priority list, filled out your schedule and still have time left, Congratulations! If you are like most women, you have no more time, and more on the list than what can be done. This is why we always feel ‘busy’. We are trying to shove too many things into too little time, and never feeling accomplished or finished with anything. Not only is this bad for our own mental health, it can lead to long term high cortisol levels in our bodies. Long term high cortisol levels lead to all kinds of problems including heart disease, resistant belly fat, and is linked to fibromyalgia and autoimmune disease.

3. So what about all the things not on the schedule?

Time to start acting like a high powered CEO. After all, you probably are the CEO of the family. What do CEO’s do?

Delegate – Be ruthless. If you don’t absolutely have to be there in person for the event, or if someone else could do it, who else could take over?
Online shopping, pay someone for food prep, get someone once a week to do the cleaning, laundry, and rideshare kid’s activities.
Simplify – Create processes. The most successful people have processes for just about everything they do. What’s your process for the morning? How can it be more effective? Create a process to get everyone out the door. Where are the keys, the bags, is the dog water full? Make it a step by step process. Maybe even a checklist for everyone. Prep bags for sports activities the day before so no one is looking for clean socks at the last minute. Create evening rituals. Dinner, clean up kitchen, baths, brush teeth, 5 min tidy up, reading and free time. Do it the same way every night, and kids will respond surprisingly well to bed time. Less structure at night, leads to more chaos, less peace and more busy.
Cut it out – Be a quitter. Quit everything that doesn’t fill your priority list, or make you happy. This can dovetail back to delegating, or look like quitting that book group you hate but feel obligated to attend. I stopped being on all committees or counsels, and I no longer accept social engagements unless I really want to. If you are doing something because you don’t want someone else to feel let down, or feel obligated, that’s a big red flag. Worry more about your own health, life and priorities than what anyone else thinks. Trust me, they are not sacrificing their lives for you, why are you giving up your best time to make someone else happy?

After you’ve delegated, created processes and cut out the excess, there should be some free time. If there isn’t, go back and make another pass at it.

The quick and dirty of it all is this:

Your value is not measured by how busy you are, but WHO you are.
Stop caring what other people think. Most people are too busy worrying about themselves to think about you anyway.
Make the first things first in everything, everyday and in every way. What is more important than the most important things?
The time to learn all this is yesterday. Since yesterday is gone, better do it today.

Now that you have more time, what have you always dreamed of doing? Maybe it’s just taking an afternoon siesta everyday to recharge. Maybe now you can write that book, do that craft project or just stare out into the backyard and appreciate how far you’ve come.

About the author:

Brooke O’Connor is a seasoned coach who helps people organize their brains and overcome whatever it takes to get results they never knew how to get before. She trained with Tony Robbins, is a Clinical Hypnotherapist and PGI Consultant for Bob Proctor. She’s studied shamanic healing, as well as many more modalities and is an avid student of mind / body medicine. She has worked in 7 countries, 3 continents, and 2 languages. She’s currently back home in the United States to focus on women’s health, specifically a topic close to her heart, which is overcoming fibromyalgia and chronic pain. She is developing a program specifically for women and fibromyalgia which will be launching summer 2021.

The post Brooke O’Connor: Why Wearing the “Busy Button” Doesn’t Work, and How to Fix It appeared first on Wonder Woman Mag.

Dr.Nicole Amoyal Pensak: What a Clinical Psychologist Thinks You Should Know about Postpartum During a Pandemic

Wonder Woman — Sun, 13 Dec 2020 14:13:59 +0000

As if having a newborn is not challenging enough. Typically, approximately 10-20% of women will experience postpartum depression and/or anxiety (PPD/A). These statistics are representative of cases NOT DURING A PANDEMIC. Now in a pandemic and this is an insult to injury type of stress that is unprecedented.

As a scientist, if I were to create a well-designed, tightly controlled experiment in order to induce symptoms of postpartum depression and anxiety, the COVID-19 Pandemic would be the independent variable. My hypothesis would read something like this: “If COVID-19 Pandemic is introduced to mothers within the first month of birth, postpartum anxiety and depression would be significantly greater compared to the control group without COVID-19 Pandemic.” My guess would be that the COVID-19 Pandemic would account for a significant amount of variance above and beyond typical childbirth and newborn phase experiences. Unfortunately, in reality, there is no control group.

The global trauma that is occurring due to the COVID-19 Pandemic is unprecedented. We are just starting to see residual effects, but I believe the worst is yet to come. We do not yet know the statistics of mothers experiencing postpartum anxiety and/or depression because we are STILL living it. But, if I were going to base my prediction on science, which I always do, I would say that given the known factors that increase depression and anxiety including isolation, loneliness, stressors (financial, health, caregiving), lack of sleep, lack of control, feelings of helplessness, change in routine or role, uncertainty about the future, and the relentless nature of this pandemic (no end in clear sight), I would say PPD/A is going to increase at an exponential rate.

The COVID-19 Pandemic is introducing extraordinary challenges for new mothers. Some of the challenges include:

Ø Not allowing partners to join mothers during delivery

Ø Not allowing other supportive persons in the hospital during delivery (e.g., doulas, family members)

Ø No visitations from friends or family members during their stay

Ø In some cases, hospitals are separating newborns from their mothers to prevent potential transmission of COVID

Ø Mothers must wear masks while in the hospital during labor and delivery (Try breathing without a mask during labor. That’s challenging enough!)

Besides the overt challenges the COVID-19 is providing, the pandemic is providing a whole new world of worries during the newborn phase. Side note: there was never a shortage of things to worry about with a newborn. Mothers are now worried about the safety of attending maternal health appointments due to potential exposure. OBGYN’s provide care that is definitely not socially distant. Of course, providers are taking all the necessary precautions and gearing up in full PPE, but you can’t deliver a baby from 6 feet away.

There are other realities, such as OBGYN’s are delivering other babies as well as maintaining office visits because maternal and baby health does not stop during a pandemic. Nurses, physicians, hospital staff are all considered essential and rightfully so. As a new mom, did you ever think you would wonder about your support staff and how many people they come into contact with or what their off hour interactions are like? Of course not. The medical and support staff is meant to do exactly that, care for you medically and support you before, during and after birth.

Beyond the hospital stay, there are additional first-time challenges that new moms have to work through. Having help and support at home can potentially be a life or death decision. Grandparents that may have agreed to help before the pandemic, are now the most vulnerable population. Any other types of support such as baby nurses, nannies, daycare and school for other siblings, friends and non-immediate family members are not available. Essentially, NO BREAKS.

Amongst the other things to worry about include what if a complication occurs and the mother or baby has to go back to the hospital. I can hear mothers of young children everywhere collectively yelling- “no one in this house get injured or sick! Stop climbing on the couch! Get away from the stairs!” Not to mention if your newborn spikes a fever before 12 weeks of age- you just won an automatic admission to the hospital (aka. the COVID petri dish). During the newborn phase of motherhood, you’re recovering from childbirth, doing around the clock feeds, taking care of yourself and potentially other dependents, all while maintaining your sanity. Sounds like a walk in the park.

In America, typical maternity leave is 6 weeks for vaginal birth and 8 weeks for cesarean. That’s right, either 6 OR 8 weeks to bounce back from your body being put through the ringer during pregnancy and childbirth, all while your baby is feeding around the clock. This is too short a leave WITHOUT A PANDEMIC. Other countries provide maternity leave up to one or two years. Sleep? Who needs sleep? I’ll tell you who needs sleep most of all- NEW MOTHERS.

I did not even discuss the hormonal shifts associated with giving birth (e.g., baby blues), breastfeeding, and your body trying to figure out when to restart its monthly cycle. But, I digress. Back to the maternity leave situation in America, so again you are expected to go back to work at 6 or 8 weeks. In preparation, you probably lined up daycare, nanny, or a grandparent (if you are fortunate to have any of those options). However, in light of the pandemic, this is now impossible. You probably thought that your other child or children would be in daycare or school or somewhere other than asking you to make 24 snacks a day while having a newborn hanging off your breast.

If you have a partner, they are likely working from home- which you think may be helpful. However, they still have to work so that your family continues to have a paycheck (kind of important). So basically, you’re home with a ghost while you tend to the child(ren). If you are a single parent, you have always been my hero, but right now you are a SUPERHERO. As a mother, you may also have to keep up work for your own job.

In the pandemic, now you may have to take on the additional responsibilities of homeschooling, cleaning, cooking, and maintaining a home (e.g., plumbing problems can still happen in a pandemic). Does this sound overwhelming yet? We are currently on month FIVE of the pandemic. MONTH FIVE and still quarantining and/or social distancing.

Maternal mental health is ALWAYS important. Before the pandemic, there needed to be more awareness, less stigma, and more resources for new moms. Now that need has skyrocketed. We are just beginning to get a glimpse of fallout from the pandemic, but I believe the worst is yet to come. We do not yet know the statistics of mothers experiencing postpartum anxiety and/or depression because we are still living it. If I were going to base my prediction on science, which I always do, I would say that introducing additional and seemingly relentless stressors to new moms, PPD/A is going to increase at an exponential rate.

Here is some good news. Fortunately, because PPD/A is so common, in general, we have effective evidence-based treatments that work. THEY WILL STILL WORK DURING A PANDEMIC. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy with Behavioral Activation (CBT-BA) is one of the most effective behavioral therapies we have for PPD/A. Another piece of good news is that because of the pandemic, most therapists and mental health providers are conducting telehealth visits. What that means is that you can engage in therapy from home (while you have an infant in your arms, are eating, while also making sure your toddler doesn’t get hurt).

There are virtual support groups. In addition, there are very effective medications for PPD/A that work. As a psychologist, I always recommend if you are taking medication for anxiety or depression, you should also engage in therapy. Therapy and medication work extremely well together, especially in the short-term, but therapy outperforms medication in the long-run. This is because in therapy, you are learning the skills you need to manage PPD/A.

There are many self-care activities that will also be helpful, in addition to treatment.

These include EXERCISE; it’s nature’s mood stabilizer. During the groundhog days of caring for an infant, it’s important to get outside, reset your day, and get some vitamin D. You can also try relaxation exercises.

A brief meditation that I teach to my patients is: close your eyes and listen for the most distant sound you can hear. You can do this ANYWHERE, even for just a minute (or longer). This mindfulness exercise brings you into the present moment. They say that depression and anxiety are disorders of time; depression you think about the past, anxiety you think about the future.

Bring yourself into the present and there is no anxiety or depression. Also, make sure that you eat regularly. If you have anxiety, you should be eating every four hours. Drops in blood sugar can mimic anxiety. Sleep when you can. Remember, you are just one good night’s sleep away from feeling more stable. Some resources I recommend the Calm app or these free relaxation exercises here.

In sum, we already needed to increase the discussion of PPD/A before and reduce the stigma before the pandemic, but now even more so. The pandemic has presented unparalleled stressors for new moms. We need to talk about PPD/A and increase any type of support we can during this time.

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The Hidden Stressors of Technology You Should Be Aware Of

Wonder Woman — Mon, 28 Sep 2020 16:20:40 +0000

The technology age has given us access to abundant information, has simplified many aspects of our lives, and has even improved our ability to connect with others throughout the world. It does, however, come with a few downsides. For instance, a 2019 study found that spending too much time on the internet, to the point of addiction, can profoundly impact our mental health. Even non-addicted internet usage can negatively affect us.

“Our technology-heavy world absolutely leads to increased stress in people of all ages. Over the last 10 years, I have seen a huge jump in my private practice of individuals who have stress and anxiety disorders as a direct result of technology use,” says Dr. Lisa Strohman, a psychologist and the founder of Digital Citizens Academy. “Stress in general affects our overall health and wellness by disrupting our body’s natural rhythm and patterns like digestion, sleep and immune health.”

The Hidden Stressors of Technology

Many of these downsides have been widely discussed, but it’s also important to call out some of more “hidden” stressors of technology, too. By knowing and understanding what unassuming things can often trigger stress, we can better curb that anxiety.

Being Away From Our Smartphones

Having a veritable computer in our pockets is incredible, but we’ve become so reliant on our devices that it’s hard to put them away. The urge to read a new text message after that familiar ding is hard to shake even in the middle of something important (like driving, crossing a street, or spending time with a loved one), and reaching for our phone is a default whenever we’re even minutely bored or lonely.

“We have built a dependency on always being connected to our phones because now we can access the internet, our banking, our music and so, so much more. They have become our whole lives and so there is a fear to ever be without them. This fear then leads to stress as we always have a need to feel attached,” says Dr. Strohman.

There’s even a term for the fear of being disconnected from your phone: nomophobia.

Dr. Strohman says that we can prevent anxious feelings over smartphone use by creating boundaries that are non-negotiable for ourselves. Healthy phone boundaries might include not using it during a meal, when you’re in a social situation, before bedtime, or in the bathroom. It might also mean creating set time limits for how long you spend on your phone or a particular app.

It may take time to become comfortable with reduced phone usage but finding the right balance will ultimately make you feel more in control.

Texting & Messaging Anxiety

It’s human nature to read into the smallest details, and texting is especially good at bringing this trait out in us. For instance, a short response to your long message might be interpreted as a cold and indifferent shrug, seeing a message was delivered without getting an immediate response might feel like you’re being purposefully ignored (Did you do something wrong? Do they still like you? Are they hurt or injured?), and even the bubbling ellipses icon that appears when someone’s writing a message can induce a flurry of stress.

The truth is that you’re able to garner so much more through an in-person exchange than you’ll ever be able to garner via a text situation, and over-obsessing about these small details does us more harm than good.

Take note of when you’re feeling anxiety during a text exchange and ask yourself if there’s a valid reason why you might feel the way you do. Then ask yourself what you might be able to do to reduce that anxiety.

In many cases, the answer is to distance yourself from your phone and occupy your time with things that bring you joy—such as a hobby, going for a walk, spending time with loved ones, focusing on work, or hitting the gym. Also, just seeing that person in real life, or calling them, can squash a lot of anxiety.

Feeling Pressure to Play a Video Game

Online gaming can be fun and exciting, but many games are designed in a way that can cause us to become addicted very easily. Maybe we feel an alliance to others on our team and don’t step away when it’d be healthier for us to do so, or maybe we spend much of our free time gaming while other important activities—such as exercise or healthy eating or real-life engagements—are left behind.

“For some people, playing video games and dedicating the time it takes to be successful is like having a second life. There can be countless hours dedicated to fighting, competing, and practice to be your best self within the game. This will cause stress for players who feel as though every minute they spend away from the game is a minute tragically lost,” says Dr. Strohman.

This probably won’t come as a surprise, but the key to avoiding anxious feelings with gaming is to limit the amount of time you actually spend gaming. Again, it’s about creating healthy boundaries and acknowledging and stopping unhealthy behaviors. Balancing a healthy activity with gaming will break up your screen time and also give you an added distraction and interest outside of the video game.

Constant Self-Critiquing Against Others’ Experiences

While social media connects us to others, it’s important to understand how detrimental constant exposure might be to our mental health. For example, scrolling through Instagram or Facebook viewing others’ happy faces, beautiful travel photos, and amazing dinners can sometimes make us feel bad about where we’re at in our lives.

“Social media is a huge stressor these days for multiple reasons, but, mainly it is the constant expectation of being ‘Insta-worthy’ and the unceasing comparisons that are inflicted upon us,” says Dr. Strohman.

She continues, “The stress of feeling like you need to post everything you’re doing, seeing, eating, watching is very real and is becoming more dominating every day. There’s not only the stress of always having to post to stay relevant, but also the stress of comparing your body, life, and experiences with your peers and also strangers. This sets us up for unrealistic expectations of life.”

All that said, it’s important to remember that we’re only seeing the best 5% of other people’s lives—the most flattering pictures, the best moments, the accolades, the vacations, the anniversary celebrations. Even thumbing through your very own photo reel can cause a little jealousy!

Interestingly, we’re starting to see a pendulum swing here. Everyday people, influencers, and celebrities are craving and posting less filtered, “real content.” This can be helpful to see, but it doesn’t mean you have to feel the pressure to “be real,” yourself, and it doesn’t even mean that what you’re seeing is actually entirely real.

It’s not easy, but one of the best things you can do, says Dr. Strohman, is to thoughtfully disengage more often from social media.

She says, “Be more present, be in the moment, stop feeling every move you make has to be documented or talked about. Also just remembering that pictures do not say everything about a person’s life and that these carefully curated posts are only the happiest, best, most exciting photos that are trying to sell the idea of perfection.”

Article courtesy of VeryWellMind.com By Wendy Rose Gould

No copyright is claimed in this article and is posted under fair use principles in U.S. copyright laws. If you believe material has been used in an unauthorized manner, please contact us via email.

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Tips on How to Cope With a Crisis or Trauma

Wonder Woman — Mon, 28 Sep 2020 15:48:51 +0000

All change brings stress as a by-product. Sometimes, however, events in our lives are traumatic enough to constitute a crisis, and stress levels are nearly unmanageable. Such crises include being diagnosed with a serious health condition, dealing with the aftermath of a natural disaster, or being personally affected by a human tragedy, although events of lesser severity can also constitute a crisis.

Healthy Ways to Cope With a Crisis

What are some healthy ways to cope with a crisis and get through to the other side? Here are some guidelines to keep in mind when coping with a crisis.

Focus on What’s Important

When dealing with the aftermath of a crisis, it’s important to focus your resources. Just getting through the day is an accomplishment, so paring down your responsibilities in order to just do that should be key.

Order take-out so you can cut down on shopping and cooking, put unnecessary commitments on hold, and just focus on what really needs to be done, so you can conserve your physical and emotional energy.

Find Support

If others know about your trauma, chances are they will be offering to help; now is the time to take them up on it. Let your loved ones lighten your load by helping with tasks or providing a supportive ear. You can repay the favor later when you’re up to it and they need something.

You can feel better from receiving support, and others will probably feel better by being able to do something to help. That’s what friends do best.

Lessen Your Stress Response

When you experience a crisis (or even when someone close to you experiences a crisis), your body’s stress response may become triggered and stay triggered, keeping you in a state of constant stress.

It may be difficult to feel “relaxed” in the midst or aftermath of a crisis, but you can practice stress relief techniques that can reduce the intensity of your stress levels, help you reverse your stress response, and feel more resilient in the face of what comes next.

Process Your Feelings

Whether you write in your journal, talk to a good friend, or consult a therapist, it’s important to put words to your experience in order to better integrate it.

As you move through the crisis, you may be tempted to ignore your feelings for fear that you’ll ‘wallow’ too much and get ‘stuck’, but processing your feelings allows you to move through them and let them go.

Take Care of Yourself

In order to avoid adding to your problems, be sure to eat a healthy diet, get enough sleep, exercise regularly, and do other things to keep your body functioning at its best.

Also, try to do some things you normally enjoy, like seeing a movie, reading a good book, or gardening in order to relieve some of the stress that you’re going through.

Be Patient With Yourself

Sometimes people who are dealing with a crisis or trauma wonder if their negative reactions are a sign of weakness, or if they’re handling things the ‘right’ way. While there are more and less healthy ways to handle troubling situations, be patient with your feelings and reactions to things.

It’s natural to feel ‘not yourself’ after a major—or even minor—trauma, and accepting yourself and your reactions will help you feel better and process things more easily.

Seek Help When Needed

If you experience intrusive thoughts and feelings, have recurrent nightmares, or are unable to move through your life the way you need to because of your reaction to the trauma, even after several weeks, you may want to talk to a professional about your situation to be sure you’re getting the support you need.

Even if you have no major problems but just feel that it might be a good idea to talk to someone, it’s better to err on the side of having extra help. It’s a smart and responsible way to take care of yourself.

Article courtesy of VeryWellMind.com https://bit.ly/2XahcYM By Elizabeth Scott, MS

No copyright is claimed in this article and is posted under fair use principles in U.S. copyright laws. If you believe material has been used in an unauthorized manner, please contact us via email.

The post Tips on How to Cope With a Crisis or Trauma appeared first on Wonder Woman Mag.

Relaxation Therapy for Anxiety Disorders

Wonder Woman — Sun, 27 Sep 2020 01:45:28 +0000

Learn how to relax using these
relaxation techniques.
#LearnToRelax
#RelaxationForAnxiety
#AnxietyandRelaxationTherapy
#HoffstetterCounseling

To overcome anxiety, phobias, or panic attacks it is of paramount importance to learn how to relax. It is impossible to feel relaxed and tense at the same time. People who live with high levels of anxiety often do not know how to relax or to release the tension stored in their muscles that is contributing to the experience of anxiety.

Regular, daily practice of relaxation techniques will assist you in relieving muscle tension, greatly improve your overall feeling of wellbeing and reduce your anxiety. Deep relaxation involves a number of physiological changes including:

Decreases in heart rate
Decrease in respiration rate
Decrease in blood pressure
Decreases in skeletal muscle tension
Decrease in metabolic rate and oxygen consumption
Decrease in analytical thinking
Increase in skin resistance

Regular practice of deep relaxation for 20-30 minutes on a daily basis can produce, over time, a general feeling of relaxation and wellbeing that benefits every area of your life. When you feel relaxed and at ease you are less likely to turn on the anxiety response and will find that you feel more in control most of the time.

Other benefits of deep relaxation include:

Reduction of generalized anxiety
Reduction of frequency and severity of panic attacks
Prevention of stress becoming cumulative
Increased energy and productivity.
Improved concentration and memory
Increase in ability to focus
Reduction of insomnia and fatigue
Deeper and sounder sleep
Prevention and or reduction of psychosomatic disorders such as hypertension, migraines, headaches, asthma, ulcers etc.
Increased self confidence and reduced self blame
Increased availability of feelings. Muscle tension is one of the chief impediments to an awareness of your feelings.

How do you achieve a state of deep relaxation?

Correct abdominal breathing
Progressive muscle relaxation techniques
Meditation

Progressive Muscle Relaxation Technique

Progressive Muscle Relaxation is a technique for achieving a deep state of relaxation. Tensing a muscle and holding it for a few seconds, then releasing that tension will produce a deep sense of relaxation, and will rid the body of the built up tension from living with high levels of anxiety on a daily basis.

Guidelines

Practice for at least 20 minutes per day
Find a quiet location free from distraction
Ensure the room temperature is comfortable – not too hot, and not too cold
Practice at regular times – on awakening or before retiring or before meals
Assume a comfortable position – your entire body needs to be supported
Loosen any tight clothing and take off shoes
Make a decision not to worry about anything – if you have any other thought come into your mind, just let them go and bring your attention back to your relaxation
Assume a passive, detached attitude

Technique

Progressive muscle relaxation is a technique where you tense and relax one at a time, all the major muscle groups of the body. The idea is to tense each muscle group hard for about 10 seconds, and then to let go of it suddenly. You then give yourself 15-20 seconds to relax and become aware of the contrast between the feeling of relaxation to how it felt when tensed. You then move onto the next muscle group until you have worked your way through your whole body. Often it is helpful to have some quiet, gentle music in the background.

Reference

Bourne,E.J.,(1995) ‘The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook – A step by step program for curing yourself of extreme anxiety, panic attacks and phobias’, MJF Books, New York., p.65-76 passim).

Article courtesy of HealthyPlace.com https://bit.ly/2vCwyGt

By NATASHA TRACY

No copyright is claimed in this article and is posted under fair use principles in U.S. copyright laws. If you believe material has been used in an unauthorized manner, please contact us via email.

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Relaxation Therapy for Anxiety Disorders

Other benefits of deep relaxation include:

How do you achieve a state of deep relaxation?

Progressive Muscle Relaxation Technique

Guidelines

Technique

Reference