Rebecca Baker/ How I use my tragedies to inspire and empower other people

Looking back on my life, it’s hard to believe I am where I am today. I own and run two small trade businesses with my partner, investment homes, and commercial properties, I started and run a community project called Brisbane Community Helpers and my Dames In Business networking group.

Not bad for a little girl that once was so disempowered, a little girl that went through the murder of my sister (Keri, due to DV), being sexually molested, so beaten down, used, and abused, kicked out of home, having no place to live, a little girl that felt her only option and reprieve was to slice her own wrist. Lying in that bath full of bloody water, blood pouring from my wrist, and falling in and out of consciousness. I heard my sister’s voice from beyond the grave say, ‘tonight is not the night, this isn’t your place. Wake up, go back.’ And with that, I did manage to wake up enough, to put bandages on my wrist.  I guess I must have passed out as that’s all I remember from that night.

After that, I got my head right enough to get a job and find a place to live. All I did was work (I was living in a caravan without a toilet or tv so really work was the better place to be), I worked so bloody hard, day and night, and I saved and, I saved. By the age of 21, I had bought my first home but I still hated myself, I still didn’t know who I was or what I wanted to be.

But that all changed when I met my partner Troy. He has so much love for me, so much belief in me, he empowered me to go for my dreams no matter how silly they might sound, ‘go for your dreams even if you think you will fail because you might just surprise yourself Bec’ (he would say). I started to feel empowered and I truly did start to believe in myself. I even started thinking about uni. However, I am a high school dropout and it’s not easy to get into uni if you didn’t complete year 12.  The only way a high school dropout could get into uni was to sit an entrance exam. If I pass the exam I could get a diploma and from there a bachelor’s degree. I honestly didn’t think I could or would pass the exam but, I remembered the time when I lived with my grandparents in New Zealand. Like Troy, my Grandpa had seen a little girl that needed love, protection, encouragement, and support, and while living with him, he gave me all that and more. While attending school in New Zealand and with Grandpa always cheering me on, I got A’s and A-pluses. I had never even gotten a B before. So with my Grandpa’s memory in my head and with Troy’s encouragement and support, I sat that exam, and I friggin passed, I got into uni. I got my diploma, I then got my bachelors degree and then I got my role as an accountant in an accounting firm. I never thought I would get this far. I never thought this could be me.

Now I would love to say it was all hunky-dory and red roses from there, but unfortunately for me, life isn’t fair.

Ever since I can remember I’ve had this pain, my bones would ache all night long. When I was young I was told it’s just growing pains, everyone has them suck it up and in my home, if you complain my parents would say ‘I’ll give you something you can really complain about’, and trust me they followed through. And so I sucked it up, I never complained about this pain or any pain (physical or mental pain).

As I got older, the pain became worse, I couldn’t lie in bed, I couldn’t sleep at night and there were many days I couldn’t even move, the pain was so bad I wanted to rip my bones out through my skin. I loved my job as an accountant and I didn’t want this to get in the way of my job, so I went to a doctor. As a first time patient, I had to tell her my history and I wanted to be honest and upfront and so I told her everything, my life history (which to be fair is pretty dark and scary). After telling her my life history and about the pain, without any test or X-rays, she tells me I have PTSD, severe depression, and anxiety. She also tells me that because I have all those conditions, my brain is just making up the pain (I’m from a time where they say doctors know best and you don’t question them)

I believed her, although I didn’t get it, I thought apart from this pain, I was happy. I took all the pills she prescribed but the pain wouldn’t stop, my only relief was when I took painkillers. Over time, the number of painkillers I took got higher and high, and I eventually got addicted to them. I decided it would be best to quit my job because I was terrified that work would be busted about the painkillers and about my mental health issues.

Over the next 15 years, I slowly became disempowered again, I couldn’t work, I was addicted to painkillers and my doctor was telling me, ‘this is all in my head’, asking me ‘why am I doing this to Troy’? I absolutely hated myself once again and I felt ashamed of myself once more. For those 15 long years, I barely left the house. I was tormenting myself in my own head, my only relief from this pain and self-torment was taking a crapload of painkillers. The painkillers eventually caught up with me and one morning at 2/3am, I was rushed into emergency surgery for exploding ulcers in my tummy. However, I still didn’t give up on what I thought at the time, were my best friends, my painkillers.

After 15 years of doing this dance with my doctor, she had finally had enough of me and sent me to a physiotherapist. It was with this physiotherapist after she did a full analysis and go over, that something was discovered. While massaging my lower back the physiotherapist asked if my doctor had sent me for an MRI or even an X-ray. I said no and explained that my doctor thinks it’s all in my head. She replied, ‘Bec, I can feel chucks of bone floating around your back. It’s not in your head’. She called my doctor while I was there and demanded my doctor send me for an MRI that day. That afternoon I had an MRI and the very next day my doctor got me in to see her and she said, there is something going on, they don’t know what yet but they need to rule out cancer (bone and blood cancer). Right here I had mixed emotions, relief that she finally gets it, finally believes me, and relief it’s not in my head, I’m not making it up. But, crap cancer.

Over the next couple of days, I had a number of tests and scans, and thankfully all cancers were ruled out. It turns out I have some generic bone condition where my bones haven’t been getting blood and therefore have been dying and breaking off. I need a full hip replacement to replace the worse bones. Funnily (because you got to find something to laugh at) my doctor did say, ‘oh you must have been in a lot of pain’. I just looked at her speechless.

I had that hip replacement 4 years ago, I got off the antidepressants, anti-anxiety tables and I no longer take painkillers.

Every day I have been working on me, getting myself stronger and with Troy and my friends’ help and support, I have built myself back up. I believe everything I have gone through is to help others, I know how it feels to be disempowered, I don’t want anyone to feel that way, and now it’s my obligation, to inspire and empower others to find their voice, speak up if you think something is wrong, believe in yourself even if no else does. Which is part of the reason why I started Brisbane Community Helpers and Dames In Business.

If you are empowered it’s your obligation to empower those that are not yet empowered. That to me is empowerment. When empowered people help disempowered people become empowered, that is EMPOWERMENT!!!

Bec Baker
Dames In Business

 

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